My name is Emily.

My parents are the cutest people ever.

I am so sick of school. I am so sick of people. I am so angry at myself for letting this happen and at my parents for not screaming foul words at me because I am a disappointment. 

I am a disappointment. But I tried so hard, slept so little, and for what? I wanted so badly to prove to myself that I could handle it all—handle my instructor telling me to always give my 200% so that I could keep marimba one, handle my grades so that my parents would be proud of me, handle clubs and friendships and actually be okay with it all.

I am most definitely not okay with it all and I want to be because my parents are being so kind to me, but more than anything I want to be okay for letting myself down, for not living up to all that I wanted to do. It’s not going to happen and these next couple of days are going to suck because all I want to do is crawl into a hole and stay there for the next few months, but I have to finish Finals (although at this point I am not going to study anymore because there is no need) and I need to go to graduation to play (not really, but McNair still requires my section to go) and say goodbye to all the seniors I love so dearly (this one is actually applicable, but still..). 

Where is the bright side of this?

I don’t think I’ve ever felt as hopeless as I do right now.